Cuz in this situation, I really doubt my ability.
I was really hardworking and passion and loving this course.
I was the first one who showed my work, my works were always the first to be approved by lecturers and lecturer likes my attitude and friends admire on my attitude on loving interior design.
But since when I got crapped in this course?
Perhaps. Since sem4.
When everything was just getting fine at first few weeks, I started to stay on thinking much thinking more thinking everything in difficult way.
My ID was lectured by another lecturer that time. His style was so different from previous. He's nonchalantly. He didn't force us much to follow the schedule. Ya we were all like enjoying on this 'honeymoon periods' that he gave, at first. After more and more to go, I started to began lazy and like did everything in a more rigid way.
I felt struggle.
(I didn't blame any of those lecturers. It's my choice to change.)
In furniture design course, I kept on showing him a different design but in the same base. And one day he was pissed. He scolded me :"why you keep on changing the design, I can't find your design. Go and redo again." And that was the first time I totally denied by a lecturer. And that was the first time, my confidence collapsed and really cant get up so far.
Maybe I was over confident on myself and make everything looks worse. I knew, it's was my attitude problem and I know I didn't really study much on materials and so on. Thats why I can't really answer my lecturer's question. Seriously I felt myself so useless. Even until now.
I can't find a way out. I don't know where's my passion on. I felt everything looks fake. I felt like everything become stress. I know we should study all those practical things slowly but I can't wait to get back my passion.
And I began my sem5. I've got my way afterwards.
I got back the feeling.
I got back everything like finally.
But it collapsed again in sem6, which means now.
We were the fastest group in the class (maybe), and after we separated into individual group, everything like changed. I don't know what I did, I can't even expel my concept much like wth I'm talking about? And this course is talking all about the progress work. Our progress work was really fine. But I left out one week in preparing the halloween night. And everything changed then. I can't catch up on my work afterward. I fail on every critique. I knew it. I wanna give up in every moment. I know this really cnt blame cuz this was my time management problem. And I saw disappointment on lecturer.
I felt really upset and I don't know how to get up. If I had one more chance, I must use all my time on doing research and studying more magazine. I shouldn't be like now. Too stupid. Too dumb.